a curse:
- that you invite me into all your hidden places, the debt owed by your occupation of my health.
- that my memory may ruin the safe places you shared as guilty penance.
- that you be forced to vacate yourself, as i did
- and start fresh, raw and unprotected in flesh and heart.
?????bad starts
a pair of inception fanfiction i started and never finished, i guess
(warning one of them was going to be porn)
Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, no sex at all. Set in the summer preceeding Goblet of Fire.
Not all sharing is charity, and there is no shame in living like thieves. Remus Lupin learns to accept help instead of giving it, and Sirius Black does what he can.
Meg and I wrote this in 2011 and never did anything about it, so I’ve put it up on AO3. It’s not very long and it doesn’t really end, but it is a thing.
i will tell you a secret
- you face an unbeatable opponent in an official match.
- you go to arm yourself, but every weapon you choose is taken from your hands immediately by a referee.
- “this is too dangerous” the referee tells you. “you could do some damage with that.”
- “i thought that was the point,” you say, but the referee shakes his head.
- “choose something else.”
- repeat steps 2-5 until your hope dries up, leaving you empty handed, a tired cynic
- attempt to leave the ring, and
- find out the ring is the entire world; you cannot leave.
- (you do not defeat the unbeatable opponent.)
the art of premeditated argument
you know when you feel like shit and you want people to notice and maybe worry a little bit or try to help because you dont feel like you can ask for it, and they don’t, they just keep talking and laughing and having fun and having LIVES and it’s fine, you think, that’s what they’re supposed to do, only you resent them a little for it because you’re not fine and you can’t do that and sometimes it would be really really nice if someone paid attention to you. that’s what you think when you go hide to cry, when you can’t deal with life and you curl up into a tiny ball of vantas and excessively put your own hands on your head and face and neck, trying to do something, you’re not sure what. maybe comfort yourself—and wow, that’s a laugh.
and the thing is that eventually you will have to go back. you will have to pretend you weren’t waiting for someone to come stop having fun with you for a minute and touch your head and your face and your neck and comfort you and make uneasy attempts at making you laugh, a dry kiss on the crown of your head. you’re going to have to accept that the voices in your head are telling the truth, that no one even noticed you were gone, and you’re going to have to go back and after crying quietly youre going to have to go and fight yourself, fight your own mind, to not be resentful at your friends. you dont hold it against them, you don’t want to, you can’t afford to. they didnt do anything to deserve a friend like you.
